Friday, April 30, 2010
Game Developers Conference 2010 Highlights
Just this past week, the Game Developers Conference was held in downtown San Francisco, CA. If you're unfamiliar with GDC, it is the "world's largest professionals-only game industry event." In other words, everyday gaming enthusiast can't just walk in off the street to take a look around. GDC is held every spring and is basically a forum for learning and networking for the creators of computer, console, handheld, mobile, and online games. Hundreds of companies come out to present their latest wares, preview upcoming titles, and also interview thousands of potential game developers.
Intel used GDC 2010 to announce their latest processor, the Core i7 980X Extreme Edition. Codnamed "Gulftown", it is the first 32nm, six core processor that that can process up to 12 threads through the use of HyperThreading technology. At Intel's booth, we saw several systems that were running applications enhanced for this new platform, including Sega's Napoleon Total War and Ubisoft's RUSE. We even had a chance to attend a dinner event thrown by Intel to demo the Extreme Edition processor in action, installed in Alienware's ALX system. For more information, specs, and benchmarks, check out our Core i7 980X coverage here.
As you would guess, game developers of all kind come out in full force for this particular event. There were hundreds of booths set up and plenty of big names were on hand to chat with attendees. While there were plenty of names we've never heard of, all of the gaming industry's big dogs were on hand. On the expo floor, we spoke with many companies, which included Intel, NVIDIA, ATI, ARM, Blizzard, Crytek, Nintendo, Ubisoft, Sony, Palm, Microsoft, and many others. Unlike CES, the majority of the booths were not designed for press coverage. Instead, we witnessed long lines of people seeking a chance to interview with these companies in order to land a spot in their respective gaming divisions. Still, there was plenty to see and we found a few hardware related topics to cover.
Hardcore Computers has been around since 2005. We've come across Reactor systems at a few events in the past couple of years, but this is the first time we actually had a chance to actually get up close and personal. Without a doubt, this system is an impressive sight and very unique. So, what's the scoop? In a nutshell, all of the Reactor's heat producing components are fully submerged in coolant which uses both natural and forced convection for circulation. The CPU, NB, GPU, and power supplies get coolant pumped directly to them while the rest of the system makes use of natural convection. All told, you get a quiet, cool, and expensive PC that if filled with the fastest parts available. The base model starts at over $5K so the target market for the system is a very elite crowd of enthusiasts. Nevertheless, we know you want to see what this baby can do so we're going to try and score one for review and evaluation in the coming weeks.
3D technology was the biggest theme at CES 2010 with almost every major company featuring new 3D-related products. A recurring criticism of 3D is the mandatory use of glasses, however, which can look rather unappealing and might get uncomfortable after awhile. That's why we were drawn to this small booth on GDC's show floor which featured a 3D monitor that did not require users to wear glasses. VisuMotion provides the answer to this problem with their extensive line of 3D products that take glass out of the equation. The monitor we saw on display was 22" with a retail price of almost $2K and is available now. We're still not totally convinced that 3D gaming is the way to go since image quality takes a hit at the expense of creating the effect, but its always interesting to see the technology take a step forward.
During the week, there were a myriad of meetings, lectures, and break out sessions that focused on how to make superior games on every platform imaginable. It was both exciting and impressive to see how these companies make use of the hardware and related technologies that we normally review, in an effort to provide more entertaining and realistic games. GDC 2010 drives home the realization that without faster, more powerful hardware, breakthrough advancements in applications and games wouldn't be possible. In all, it was a fantastic experience and an event we look forward to attending next year.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Avatar is the Biggest Selling Blu-ray on Opening Day Ever in UK
James Cameron's Avatar from 20th Century Fox blew up in the international box office going on to become the highest grossing film ever in America and many other countries. The movie is now out on Blu-ray and DVD and is setting records for sales.
Avatar is already the biggest selling Blu-ray DVD ever in America and the film has now made similar records in the UK. Avatar racked up the biggest ever opening day sales of a Blu-ray film in the UK with 222,824 copies sold.
The previous record was held by The Dark Knight. Avatar sold more copies in its first day than The Dark Knight sold in a week. I can’t wait to see what the release of the film in 3D does for 3D hardware sales.
HP buys Palm, HP to pay $1.2 Billion for Palm
HP announced to acquire Palm for $1.2 Billion. This is quite a surprise as rumors did not mention HP as a potential buyer. We only heard about Lenovo and HTC.
HP will purchase Palm at a price of $5.70 per share of Palm common stock in cash or an enterprise value of approximately $1.2 billion.
Based on the statements in HP's press-release the company is planning to expand the HP mobility strategy with the help of Palm's technology. Additionally HP sees a lot of value in the Palm IP assets.
HP and Palm is actually a good fit. The HP sales channel is huge and I can imagine that HP is able to build a significant smartphone business based on Palm's webOS.
more details: http://www.i4u.com
When is the iPad Better than an iPhone?
When people come over to my house, we inevitably end up talking about computers or the new gadgets that I have lying around. One of the most common question that people ask me about the iPad is it is any better than the iPhone.
That got me to thinking about what I prefer to do on the iPad rather than the iPhone. The answer to that question is a simple everything possible. I use my iPhone to surf the web on occasion when I am bored or don’t want to use the computer. The problem for me with the iPhone and websurfing is that the screen is so small that it's hard to make out the text and some images.
The iPad on the other hand has a huge screen and you can easily read text and view all the images you want. The onscreen keyboard of the iPad is also massively larger than the one the iPhone uses making typing music easier. I often end up typing gibberish when I try to post to the web using the iPhone because the keys are so small. The iPad on the other hand has a huge keyboard and I can type on accurately almost as fast as I can type on a normal keyboard. In the iPad versus iPhone web surfing war, the win easily goes to the iPad.
One of the things that I do frequently with my iPhone is watch YouTube videos. I am a big car guy and I enjoy watching videos of cars and races on YouTube. I often watch several of this type of video while I am waiting to pick my kids up at school. If I am near a WiFi network, the much larger and higher resolution screen on the iPad makes watching online video much more enjoyable than on the iPhone. The caveat is that my iPad lacks 3G connectivity so I can’t watch video away from a WiFi network. I could have opted for the 3G version and alleviated that issue. When at a WiFi network the iPad wins in the video watching contest easily. If not near a network, the iPhone obviously is better for online video unless you have the 3G iPad.
I also have lots of images crammed onto my iPhone of the kids, cars, and various other things. Again, the larger and higher resolution screen of the iPad makes viewing and manipulating these images much easier. The iPad famously lacks a camera so if actually taking pictures and video is your thing, the iPad isn’t the best option of the two.
Gaming is a very close battle between the two devices. If you are talking about a game that is made to run on the larger screen of the iPad, it is hands down a better gaming platform than the iPhone thanks to the larger screen and crisp graphics. However, any game that is made for the iPhone and doesn't scale to larger iPad screen size without having to zoom in, you might as well not play on the iPad. I prefer to play games on the iPad, but only if they actually take advantage of the iPad hardware. Games designed for the iPhone are better left on the iPhone.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Engineering Students
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body. The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."
The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain... must have been designed by an electrical engineer."
Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"
ASUS - MS238H LCD Monitor Review
While we tend to get worked up into a frenzy over the latest DX11 graphics cards and get deep into the latest multi-core processor releases, displays get comparatively little bandwidth here. Maybe it's because it is much more difficult to definitively quantify which monitor is better than another using a standard benchmark. As a result, testing displays can be a subjective affair that is often far from conclusive. Although some reviews are helpful, shopping for a display is best done in person, to get a better feel for image quality, aesthetics, form factor, etc.
Today we're taking a look at a monitor that's part of a new trend sweeping the display market. No, we're not talking about 3D technology. The Asus MS238H is the first LCD monitor we've tested that features LED backlighting. This is basically the same technology found in the HDTV arena which makes displays thinner and lighter than ever before. LED back lit displays are so slim, they can be hung on walls like picture frames, eliminating the need for the heavy duty mounts that standard LCD products previously required. Furthermore, the MS238H sports a 23" widescreen layout, 1920 x 1080 resolution, 16:9 aspect ratio, 2 ms response time, and ring shaped stand that distinguishes it from every other monitor available. As an added bonus, this TN display panel carries an affordable asking price, and should make this monitor an intriguing option for mainstream consumers. But enough with the hype. Let's find out if the MS238H is a worthy candidate for your next upgrade purchase.
Asus MS238H 23" LCD Monitor
Specifications and Features
Display Size: 23" Widescreen
Resolution : 1920 x 1080
Aspect Ratio: 16 : 9
Brightness: 250 cd/m2
Contrast Ratio: DC 10,000,000:1 (ASCR)
Response Time: 2 ms (GTG)
Viewing Angle: 170º / 160º (Horizontal / Vertical)
Display Type: Twisted Nematic (TN) panel
Connectors: D-Sub, HDMI, Audio
Power Consumption:
33W in operating mode / 1W in stand by Energy Star Compliant
Speakers: No
Stand: Ring - Tilt Adjustable
Dimensions (with stand):
22.3" x 16.02" x 5.94". (WxHxD)
Weight: 8.38 lbs
Included Accessories:
Power Cord, D-sub Cable, HDMI to DVI Cable
Quick Start Guide, Ring Stand
Warranty: 2 Years Limited (Parts/Labor)
Nearly all the specifications listed here are identical to many other 23" TN panels out there, with just a few exceptions. Specifically, Asus lists the dynamic contrast ratio at 10,000,000:1. As impressive as it sounds, its more marketing lingo than anything else. A dynamic contrast ratio measures the maximum difference between the brightest whites and darkest blacks the display can create, just not simultaneously. As a result, this particular number is not representative of the difference in luminance during actual use. Static contrast ratio is actually the number you should care about, but is not listed for the MS238H.
So, what else comes with the monitor? The accessory bundle consists of the basics to get you connected as quickly as possible after opening the box. It includes a VGA cable, power cord, HDMI-DVI cable, quick start guide, and warranty card. In general, monitors only come with basic necessities so this particular bundle meets our expectations. But we think it would be even better if the bundle included a cleaning cloth to wipe down the monitor from time to time. Nevertheless, keep reading as we go into more detail on the other features this display has to offer.
AVerMedia Debuts AVerLife Cinema Digital Media Player
A few product categories have really exploded over the past couple of years: netbooks, smartphones and digital media players come to mind. As the typical TV continues to fade, and more unconventional methods of media consumption continue to flourish, more and more consumers are looking to these small set-top boxes to bring networked content to their living room television.
One company that has thus far avoided making their own media STB is AVerMedia Technologies, but today that changes. The company has just announced the AVerLife Cinema, which is a digital media player that allows you to combine all media files, including movies, videos, music and photos, on a single device for playback on a TV - all from the comfort of your living room. The box boasts USB 2.0 and card reader inputs, both useful for transporting media from a hard drive or thumb drive onto a TV. Aside from playing back content, it also supports photo slideshows, and file format support is rather robust.
The device is available now for $69.99, which is far cheaper than most other alternatives. Though, the inability to connect a network drive may be a detractor for some.
ENJOY MOVIES, MUSIC AND PHOTOS ON YOUR TV WITH AVERLIFE CINEMA BY AVERMEDIA
AVerLife Cinema Offers a Simple Solution for Playing Back Movie, Music and Photo Files on Your TV
MILPITAS, CA – April 27, 2010 - AVerMedia® Technologies, a leading provider of Digital Multimedia Technology, today announced the latest addition to its line of PCTV multimedia entertainment technology. The AVerLife Cinema is a digital media player that allows you to combine all media files, including movies, videos, music and photos, on a single device for playback on a TV - all from the comfort of your living room.
Featuring convenient front mounted Hi-Speed USB 2.0 and Card Reader inputs, AVerLife Cinema enables you to easily transport a variety of media file formats for television or overhead projector viewing. Other features include an intuitive user interface and a remote control for easy navigation through your media library. The AVerLife Cinema makes your viewing experience customizable with the ability to play selected background music, photo slideshow, transition and zoom capabilities. A great device for friend and family gatherings, AVerLife Cinema provides an excellent alternative to crowding around a small computer screen.
“Reviewing photos and watching videos on a small computer monitor is never as enjoyable as doing so on a big screen TV,” said Stephen Dix, vice president of sales, Multimedia Division at AVerMedia Technologies. “The AVerLife Cinema offers a much more entertaining and easier way to view your media files.”
The AVerLife Cinema supports a wide variety of digital video file format, includes RMVB (RealNetwork) video playback with Video Output up to 720p via HDMI and component video, Standard Definition video output with Composite Video.
Additional Product Specifications:
§ HDMI output up to 720p
§ Supported Playback File Format
o Video: RM / RMVB up to 1024x574 / MPEG 1&2 / AVI / DivX / XviD / DAT & MOV up to 720x576
o Audio: MP3 / OGG / WAV / M4A
o Photo: JPG / JPEG / BMP / PNG / TIFF / GIF
o Text File: Txt
§ Input Source
o USB 2.0 Hi-Speed
o MS / SD / SDHC / MMC Card Reader
§ Output Signal:
o HDMI (Max 720p)
o Component (YPbPr)
o Composite Video
o Audio L/R
§ Support File System:
o FAT/ FAT32 / NTFS
Pricing and Availability:
The AVerLife Cinema is available for an MSRP of $69.99. For more information about this product or any of AVerMedia’s other Digital Multimedia products, please visit us at: http://www.avermedia-usa.com/AVerTV/
About AVerMedia Technologies:
AVerMedia is the technology leader in Digital Multimedia Video Convergence Technology. Aside from its full line of TV Tuners and Personal Video Recorder products, AVerMedia provides Hardware and Software DVR Board Security Systems, Document Cameras, Digital Video Makers, TV Photo Viewers, and PC-to-TV Converters for consumer and corporate/ educational markets. AVerMedia also partners with ODMs for the development of AVerMedia’s technologies for integration applications.
Materials:
AVerMedia uses RoHS Certified metals and plastics and all products are compliant to the RoHS/WEEE Directive. The company has conducted extensive EMI and safety tests on our products to guarantee consumer health and environmental protection. All products are flame retardant and manufactured with lead-free finishes.
more details: http://hothardware.com
New Apple MacBook Pro Upgrade
Apple Company reported has upgraded new MacBook Pro with a faster processor, new graphics capabilities, and a more durable battery. 13-inch MacBook Pro are popular, now supported with processors that can process the new Nvidia graphics up to 80 percent faster than previous models.
13-inch MacBook Pro is priced at US$ 1,199 equipped with a battery that can last for 10 hours.
In addition, Apple also offers a MacBook Pro with 15 inches and 17 inches that has been upgraded to Intel Core i5 and i7 are believed a 50 percent faster than previous models. Both the MacBook Pro is available for each US$ 1,799 and US$ 2,299.
With a faster processor, the graphics are amazing, and the battery power of up to three hours more on the new MacBook Pro, gives an impressive performance and efficiency, said Philip Schiller, Apple Senior Vice President of Marketing.
more details: http://dwimarni.com
Monday, April 26, 2010
Dinner with God by jokes technology
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I invited you here because I need three very important people to send my message out - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner ...
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have Good news and Bad News:
1. The good news is: God really does exist.
2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth.
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
New BlackBerrys Leak Online Ahead of Launch By Ian Paul
PC World - Rumors about two new BlackBerry devices, the Bold 9650 and Pearl 3G, leaked online early Monday just hours before the new devices were believed to debut. BlackBerry maker Research in Motion was expected to unveil the new handsets during the company's keynote address at the Wireless Enterprise Symposium in Orlando, Florida. It appears, however, the financial Website The Street has beat RIM to the punch with a limited report on new specs for the two new devices.
Despite the leak, the new handsets come as no surprise, since both the BlackBerry 9650 and Pearl 3G have been making the rounds on gadget rumor blogs for several months. Then, on Sunday, Al Sacco from CIO.com (a sister publication of PCWorld) released a photo via Twitpcic of a Sprint advertisement from the WES 2010 promo notebook that included the Bold 9650.
Here's the specs we know so far:
BlackBerry Bold 9650
The successor to the BlackBerry Tour 9630, the Bold 9650 will reportedly have a 3.2 megapixel camera, GPS, 802.11b/g Wi-Fi, and will come with quad-band GSM and dualband CDMA/EV-DO capability. The new handset is also said to have a high-resolution screen, but there's no word on what the actual display specs might be.
BlackBerry Pearl 3G
Like the Bold 9650, the Pearl 3G will also come with a 3.2-megapixel camera and a high-resolution screen, but the Pearl 3G will be exclusively a quad-band GSM phone with no CDMA capabilities--typical of most Pearl devices. The Pearl 3G will also have slightly better Wi-Fi connectivity than the Bold, using the newer 802.11n standard as well as backwards compatibility with b and g networks.
Both devices will use the new Blackberry trackpad in place of the old trackball.
As mentioned above, it appears the Bold 9650 will launch with Sprint in the United States, but there's no word on a U.S. carrier for the Pearl 3G. Pricing details and availability were not released.
The Street's report contradicts Bold 9650 rumors from earlier this month from the blog Crackberry, which claimed the Bold 9650 would be launching on Verizon on May 27 . Another popular Bold 9650 rumor said Sprint would be getting a version of the device without a camera , but it's not clear if that rumor will be proven false or not.
RIM is famous for its inability to keep its upcoming device's locked down , as photos and screenshots of products in development frequently leak online. Earlier this month, Boy Genius Report posted purported screenshots of the next iteration of the Blackberry OS and a new flip phone called the Blackberry 9670 .
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Awesome ! Enjoy and reflect.
We all need a little science. AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL
Astronomers Select Top Ten Most Amazing Pictures Taken by HubbleSpace Telescope in Last 16 Years
'...they illustrate that our universe is not only deeply strange, but also almost impossibly beautiful.'
Michael Hanlon/AH (Nov 25th, 2006)
After correcting an initial problem with the lens, when the Hubble Space Telescope was first launched in 1990, the floating astro-observatory began to relay back to Earth, incredible snap shots of the 'final frontier' it was perusing.
Recently, astronauts voted on the top photographs taken by Hubble in its 16-year journey so far. Remarking in the article from the Daily Mail, reporter Michael Hanlon says the photos 'illustrate that our universe is not only deeply strange, but also almost impossibly beautiful.'
The Sombrero Galaxy - 28 million light years from Earth - was voted best picture taken by the Hubble telescope. The dimensions of the galaxy, officially called M104, are as spectacular as its appearance It has 800 billion suns and is 50,000 light years across.
The Ant Nebula, a cloud of dust and gas whose technical name is Mz3, resembles an ant when observed using ground-based telescopes.. . The nebula lies within our galaxy between 3,000 and 6,000 light years from earth
In third place is Nebula NGC 2392, called 'Eskimo' because it looks like a face surrounded by a furry hood. The hood is, in fact, a ring of comet-shaped objects flying away from a dying star. Eskimo is 5,000 light years from Earth.
At fourth is the Cat's Eye Nebula.
The Hourglass Nebula, 8,000 light years away, has a 'pinched-in-the- middle' look because the winds that shape it are weaker at the center
In sixth place is the Cone Nebula. The part pictured here is 2.5 light years in length (the equivalent of 23 million return trips to the Moon).
The Perfect Storm, a small region in the Swan Nebula, 5,500 light years away, described as 'a bubbly ocean of hydrogen and small amounts of oxygen, sulphur and other elements'.
Starry Night, so named because it reminded astronomers of the Van Gogh painting. It is a halo of light around a star in the Milky Way.
The glowering eyes from 114 million light years away are the swirling cores of two merging galaxies called NGC 2207 and IC 2163 in the distant Canis Major constellation.
The Trifid Nebula. A 'stellar nursery', 9,000 light years from here, it is where new stars are being born.
The end.
you have just seen the Top 10 Hubble Pictures!!!
Who's buying Microsoft's outsourcing excuses?
Microsoft has laid off 5,000 workers in the last year, but it still feels the need to outsource more IT jobs to India
You'd think that the deep recession in the IT industry and the tens of thousands of resulting layoffs would satisfy even the most parsimonious of bean counters -- but it hasn't. While unemployed U.S. techies learn to flip burgers, business is booming for India's two largest outsourcing firms -- Tata Consultancy Services and Infosys -- which have just reported their best quarters since the downturn began. Both have also announced they are hiring thousands of workers.
One of the companies helping to funnel cash and jobs across the globe is Microsoft, which recently announced that Infosys will take over a broad swath of its internal IT operations for the next three years. That's right -- the world's largest software company, which has laid off thousands of employees, won't even eat its own dog food, preferring instead to let someone else wrestle with the complexities of Windows Server and Windows 7.
I certainly don't begrudge Indian workers a job; like us, they want to feed their families and have a decent life. But how will the American economy ever recover if our biggest companies choose to fatten their margins at the expense of the domestic workforce and domestic suppliers?
Infosys preparing to take even more U.S. jobs
Infosys says it will provide Microsoft with IT help desk, desk-side services, and infrastructure and application support from multiple global centers. The Mumbai-based company will manage Microsoft's internal IT services for applications, devices, and databases in 450 locations across 104 countries.
Here's a part of an Infosys press release announcing the deal that is especially telling: "This agreement provides Infosys with a unique opportunity to partner with Microsoft IT and gain deep and early expertise in the implementation and management of the latest Microsoft technologies, and thus enhancing Infosys capabilities to help other customers leverage Microsoft's innovation and adopt these technologies."
Translation: The $100 million deal with Microsoft will help Infosys land even more outsourcing jobs at the expense of U.S. workers. Talk about adding insult to injury -- and Infosys is hardly hurting.
Teacher and Students
Internet
Q. What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government, business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 13-year-old named Jason.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the popular commercial "online" services, such as Prodigy, CompuServe, or America Online, which will give you their program disks for free. Or, if you just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak in some night and install their programs on your computer when you're sleeping. They really want your business.
Q. What are the benefits of these services?
A. The major benefit is that they all have simple, "user-friendly" interfaces that enable you - even if you have no previous computer experience to provide the online services with the information they need to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
Q. How?
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us have been trying for years to cancel our online service accounts, but no matter what we do, the charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of entering the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an anesthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean, What if my children also use my Internet account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal organs over to the online service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do once I'm connected to an online service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things! No end of things!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK I have one! You can chat.
Q. Chat?
A. Chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of people all over the entire globe, you can chat with total strangers, many of whom are boring and stupid!
Q. Sounds great! How does it work?
A. Well, first you decide which type of area you wish to chat in. Some areas are just for general chatting, and some are for specific interest groups, such as Teens, Poets, Cat Lovers, Religious People, Gays, Gay Teens Who Read Religious Poetry to Cats, and of course Guys Having Pointless Arguments About Sports. At any given moment, an area can contain anywhere from two to dozens of people, who use clever fake names such as "ByteMe2" so nobody will know their real identities.
Q. What are their real identities?
A. They represent an incredible range of people, people of all ages, in all kinds of fascinating fields from scientists to singers, from writers to wranglers, from actors to athletes - you could be talking to almost anybody on the Internet!
Q. Really?
A. No. You're almost always talking to losers and hormone-crazed 13-year-old boys. But they pretend to be writers, wranglers, scientists, singers, etc.
Q. What do people talk about in chat areas?
A. Most chat-area discussions revolve around the fascinating topic of entering and leaving the chat area. A secondary, but equally fascinating topic is where everybody lives. Also, for a change of pace, every now and then the discussion is interrupted by a hormone-crazed 13-year-old boy wishing to talk dirty to women. To give you an idea of how scintillating the repartee can be, here's a re-creation of a typical chat area dialogue (do not read this scintillating repartee while operating heavy machinery):
LilBrisket: Hi everybody
Wazootyman: Hi LilBrisket
Toadster: Hi Bris
Lungftook: Hi B
LilBrisket: What's going on?
Toadster: Not much
Lungftook: Pretty quiet
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
LilBrisket: No
Toadster: Nope
Lungftook: Sorry
(LONGISH PAUSE)
UvulaBob: Hi everybody
Toadster: Hi UvulaBob
Lungftook: Hi Uvula
LilBrisket: Hi UB
Wazootyman: Hi U
UvulaBob: What's happening?
LilBrisket: Kinda slow
Toadster: Same old same old
Lungflook: Pretty quiet
Jason56243837: LilBrisket, take off your panties
LilBrisket: OK, but I'm a man
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: UvulaBob, are you from Texas?
UvulaBob: No.
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Lungftook: Well, gotta run.
Toadster.- 'bye, Lungflook
LilBrisket: Take 'er easy, Lungster
Wazootyman: See ya around, Lung
UvulaBob: So long, L
(LONGISH PAUSE)
PolypMaster: Hi everybody
LilBrisket: Hey, PolypMaster
Toadster: Yo, Polyp
UvulaBob: Hi, P
PolypMaster: What's going on?
LilBrisket: Not much
Toadster: Pretty quiet
UvulaBob: Kinda slow . . .
And so it goes in the chat areas, hour after riveting hour, where the ideas flow fast and furious, and at any moment you could learn some fascinating nugget of global-network information, such as whetheror not PolypMaster comes from Texas.
Q. I've heard that people sometimes use Internet chat areas to have "cybersex." What exactly is that?
A. This is when two people send explicitly steamy messages to each other, back and forth, back and forth, faster and faster, hotter and hotter, faster and faster and hotter and harder and harder until OHHHHGODDDDDDDD they suddenly find that they have a bad case of sticky keyboard, if you get my drift.
Q. That's disgusting!
A. Yes.
Q. Could you give an example?
A. Certainly:
Born2Bone: I want you NOW
HunniBunni: I want YOU now
Born2Bone: I want to take off your clothes
HunniBunni: Yes! YES!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your clothes
HunniBunni: OH YESSSS
(LONGISH PAUSE)
HunniBunni: Is something wrong?
Born2Bone: I can't unhook your brassiere
HunniBunni: I'll do it
Born2Bone: Thanks. Oh my god! I'm touching your, umm, your...
HunniBunni: Copious bosoms?
Born2Bone: Yes! Your copious bosoms! I'm touching them!
HunniBunni: YES!
Born2Bone: Both of them!
HunniBunni: YESSS!!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your panties!
HunniBunni: You already did.
Born2Bone: Oh, OK. You're naked! I'm touching your entire nakedness!
HunniBunni: YESSSSSS!!!
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
Born2Bone: No
HunniBunni: No
Born2Bone: I am becoming turgid in my manfulness!
HunniBunni: YES! YES YOU ARE!! YOU ARE A BULL! YOU ARE MY GREAT BIG RAGING BULL STALLION!
Wazootyman: Hey, thanks
HunniBunni: Not you
Born2Bone: I AM A STALLION! I AM A RAGING,BULGING BULL STALLION, AND I AM THRUSTING MY ... MY ... ummm ...
HunniBunni: Your love knockwurst?
Born2Bone: YES! I AM THRUSTING MY LOVE KNOCKWURST INTO YOUR ... YOUR ...
HunniBunni: Promise you won't laugh?
Born2Bone: Yes
HunniBunni: My passion persimmon
Born2Bone: Ha ha!
HunniBunni: You promised!
Born2Bone: Sorry. OK, here goes: I AM THRUSTING MY MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION PERSIMMON!
HunniBunni: YES! YES! YES!
Born2Bone: OHHH! IT FEELS SO GOOD!! I FEEL POWERFUL!!
HunniBunni: YOU ARE POWERFUL, BORN2BONE!! I FEEL YOUR POWER INSIDE ME!!!
Born2Bone: IT FEELS LIKE, LIKE ...
HunniBunni: Like what?
Born2Bone: IT FEELS JUST LIKE, OHMIGOD ... OHMIGOD...
HunniBunni: TELL ME, BORN2BONE!! TELL WHATIT FEELS LIKE!!
Born2Bone: OH GOD IT FEELS LIKE... IT FEELS LIKE WHEN I BREAK A TIE VOTE IN THE SENATE!
HunniBunni: What did you say?
Born2Bone: Whoops
HunniBunni: It feels like when you break a tie vote in the Senate?
Born2Bone: Umm, listen, what I meant was ...
HunniBunni: This is you, isn't it, Al? ISN'T IT?? YOU BASTARD!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ATTENDING A STATE FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Born2Bone: Tipper?
HunniBunni.- Whoops
Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the Internet?
A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein people, by posting messages, discuss political topics of the day.
Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.
Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example, fans post messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, and other fans respond by posting messages about how much they love Barry Manilow too. And then sometimes the forum is invaded by people posting messages about how much they hate Barry Manilow, which in turn leads to angry counter messages and vicious name-calling that can go on for months.
Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.
Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.
Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all titillating. Often you'll find highly scientific discussions that expand the frontiers of human understanding.
Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. It is.
Q. What is the "World Wide Web"?
A. The World Wide Web is the multimedia version of the Internet, where you can get not only text but also pictures and sounds on a semi-infinite range of topics. This information is stored on "Web pages," which are maintained by companies, institutions, and individuals. Using special software, you can navigate to these pages and read, look at, or listen to all kinds of cool stuff.
Q. Wow! How can I get on the Web?
A. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from an Australian company that has a Web page featuring pictures and specifications of its various models. All you have to do is fire up you rWorld Wide Web software and type in the company's Web page address, which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to-remember string of characters like this: http//:wwwfweemer-twirple.com/heppledork/sockitomesockitome@fee.fle/fo/fum.-0
Q. What if I type one single character wrong?
A. You will launch U.S. nuclear missiles against Norway.
Q. Ah.
A. But assuming you type in the correct address, you merely press Enter, and there you are!
Q. Where?
A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to happen. It could take weeks. Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. It might be quicker for you to just go over to Australia and look at the boats in person.
Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless?
A. Heck no! If you're willing to be patient, you'll find that you can utilize the vast resources of the Web to waste time in ways that you never before dreamed possible.
Q. For example?
A. For example, recently I was messing around with a "Web browser," which is a kind of software that lets you search all of cyberspace- millions of documents for references to a specific word or group of words. You can find pretty much everything that anybody has ever written on the Internet about that topic; it's an incredibly powerful research tool.
Q. That is truly beautiful.
A. Yes. And it's just one teensy little piece, one infinitesimally tiny fraction, of the gigantic, pulsating, mutating, multiplying mass of stuff out there on the Internet. Sooner or later, everything is going to be on there somewhere. You should be on there, too. Don't be afraid! Be like the bold explorer Christopher Columbus, (E-mail address: ChrisCol@nina,pinta&santamaria.ahoy) setting out into uncharted waters, fearful of what you might encounter, but also mindful of the old inspirational maritime saying: "If you don't leave the land, then you'll probably never have a chance to get scurvy and develop anemia, spongy gums, and bleeding from the mucous membranes." So come on! join me and millions of others on this exciting CyberFrontier, with its limitless possibilities for the enhancement of knowledge and the betterment of the human race! Wazootyman is waiting for you.
Q. What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government, business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 13-year-old named Jason.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the popular commercial "online" services, such as Prodigy, CompuServe, or America Online, which will give you their program disks for free. Or, if you just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak in some night and install their programs on your computer when you're sleeping. They really want your business.
Q. What are the benefits of these services?
A. The major benefit is that they all have simple, "user-friendly" interfaces that enable you - even if you have no previous computer experience to provide the online services with the information they need to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
Q. How?
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us have been trying for years to cancel our online service accounts, but no matter what we do, the charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of entering the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an anesthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean, What if my children also use my Internet account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal organs over to the online service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do once I'm connected to an online service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things! No end of things!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK I have one! You can chat.
Q. Chat?
A. Chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of people all over the entire globe, you can chat with total strangers, many of whom are boring and stupid!
Q. Sounds great! How does it work?
A. Well, first you decide which type of area you wish to chat in. Some areas are just for general chatting, and some are for specific interest groups, such as Teens, Poets, Cat Lovers, Religious People, Gays, Gay Teens Who Read Religious Poetry to Cats, and of course Guys Having Pointless Arguments About Sports. At any given moment, an area can contain anywhere from two to dozens of people, who use clever fake names such as "ByteMe2" so nobody will know their real identities.
Q. What are their real identities?
A. They represent an incredible range of people, people of all ages, in all kinds of fascinating fields from scientists to singers, from writers to wranglers, from actors to athletes - you could be talking to almost anybody on the Internet!
Q. Really?
A. No. You're almost always talking to losers and hormone-crazed 13-year-old boys. But they pretend to be writers, wranglers, scientists, singers, etc.
Q. What do people talk about in chat areas?
A. Most chat-area discussions revolve around the fascinating topic of entering and leaving the chat area. A secondary, but equally fascinating topic is where everybody lives. Also, for a change of pace, every now and then the discussion is interrupted by a hormone-crazed 13-year-old boy wishing to talk dirty to women. To give you an idea of how scintillating the repartee can be, here's a re-creation of a typical chat area dialogue (do not read this scintillating repartee while operating heavy machinery):
LilBrisket: Hi everybody
Wazootyman: Hi LilBrisket
Toadster: Hi Bris
Lungftook: Hi B
LilBrisket: What's going on?
Toadster: Not much
Lungftook: Pretty quiet
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
LilBrisket: No
Toadster: Nope
Lungftook: Sorry
(LONGISH PAUSE)
UvulaBob: Hi everybody
Toadster: Hi UvulaBob
Lungftook: Hi Uvula
LilBrisket: Hi UB
Wazootyman: Hi U
UvulaBob: What's happening?
LilBrisket: Kinda slow
Toadster: Same old same old
Lungflook: Pretty quiet
Jason56243837: LilBrisket, take off your panties
LilBrisket: OK, but I'm a man
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: UvulaBob, are you from Texas?
UvulaBob: No.
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Lungftook: Well, gotta run.
Toadster.- 'bye, Lungflook
LilBrisket: Take 'er easy, Lungster
Wazootyman: See ya around, Lung
UvulaBob: So long, L
(LONGISH PAUSE)
PolypMaster: Hi everybody
LilBrisket: Hey, PolypMaster
Toadster: Yo, Polyp
UvulaBob: Hi, P
PolypMaster: What's going on?
LilBrisket: Not much
Toadster: Pretty quiet
UvulaBob: Kinda slow . . .
And so it goes in the chat areas, hour after riveting hour, where the ideas flow fast and furious, and at any moment you could learn some fascinating nugget of global-network information, such as whetheror not PolypMaster comes from Texas.
Q. I've heard that people sometimes use Internet chat areas to have "cybersex." What exactly is that?
A. This is when two people send explicitly steamy messages to each other, back and forth, back and forth, faster and faster, hotter and hotter, faster and faster and hotter and harder and harder until OHHHHGODDDDDDDD they suddenly find that they have a bad case of sticky keyboard, if you get my drift.
Q. That's disgusting!
A. Yes.
Q. Could you give an example?
A. Certainly:
Born2Bone: I want you NOW
HunniBunni: I want YOU now
Born2Bone: I want to take off your clothes
HunniBunni: Yes! YES!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your clothes
HunniBunni: OH YESSSS
(LONGISH PAUSE)
HunniBunni: Is something wrong?
Born2Bone: I can't unhook your brassiere
HunniBunni: I'll do it
Born2Bone: Thanks. Oh my god! I'm touching your, umm, your...
HunniBunni: Copious bosoms?
Born2Bone: Yes! Your copious bosoms! I'm touching them!
HunniBunni: YES!
Born2Bone: Both of them!
HunniBunni: YESSS!!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your panties!
HunniBunni: You already did.
Born2Bone: Oh, OK. You're naked! I'm touching your entire nakedness!
HunniBunni: YESSSSSS!!!
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
Born2Bone: No
HunniBunni: No
Born2Bone: I am becoming turgid in my manfulness!
HunniBunni: YES! YES YOU ARE!! YOU ARE A BULL! YOU ARE MY GREAT BIG RAGING BULL STALLION!
Wazootyman: Hey, thanks
HunniBunni: Not you
Born2Bone: I AM A STALLION! I AM A RAGING,BULGING BULL STALLION, AND I AM THRUSTING MY ... MY ... ummm ...
HunniBunni: Your love knockwurst?
Born2Bone: YES! I AM THRUSTING MY LOVE KNOCKWURST INTO YOUR ... YOUR ...
HunniBunni: Promise you won't laugh?
Born2Bone: Yes
HunniBunni: My passion persimmon
Born2Bone: Ha ha!
HunniBunni: You promised!
Born2Bone: Sorry. OK, here goes: I AM THRUSTING MY MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION PERSIMMON!
HunniBunni: YES! YES! YES!
Born2Bone: OHHH! IT FEELS SO GOOD!! I FEEL POWERFUL!!
HunniBunni: YOU ARE POWERFUL, BORN2BONE!! I FEEL YOUR POWER INSIDE ME!!!
Born2Bone: IT FEELS LIKE, LIKE ...
HunniBunni: Like what?
Born2Bone: IT FEELS JUST LIKE, OHMIGOD ... OHMIGOD...
HunniBunni: TELL ME, BORN2BONE!! TELL WHATIT FEELS LIKE!!
Born2Bone: OH GOD IT FEELS LIKE... IT FEELS LIKE WHEN I BREAK A TIE VOTE IN THE SENATE!
HunniBunni: What did you say?
Born2Bone: Whoops
HunniBunni: It feels like when you break a tie vote in the Senate?
Born2Bone: Umm, listen, what I meant was ...
HunniBunni: This is you, isn't it, Al? ISN'T IT?? YOU BASTARD!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ATTENDING A STATE FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Born2Bone: Tipper?
HunniBunni.- Whoops
Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the Internet?
A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein people, by posting messages, discuss political topics of the day.
Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.
Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example, fans post messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, and other fans respond by posting messages about how much they love Barry Manilow too. And then sometimes the forum is invaded by people posting messages about how much they hate Barry Manilow, which in turn leads to angry counter messages and vicious name-calling that can go on for months.
Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.
Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.
Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all titillating. Often you'll find highly scientific discussions that expand the frontiers of human understanding.
Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. It is.
Q. What is the "World Wide Web"?
A. The World Wide Web is the multimedia version of the Internet, where you can get not only text but also pictures and sounds on a semi-infinite range of topics. This information is stored on "Web pages," which are maintained by companies, institutions, and individuals. Using special software, you can navigate to these pages and read, look at, or listen to all kinds of cool stuff.
Q. Wow! How can I get on the Web?
A. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from an Australian company that has a Web page featuring pictures and specifications of its various models. All you have to do is fire up you rWorld Wide Web software and type in the company's Web page address, which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to-remember string of characters like this: http//:wwwfweemer-twirple.com/heppledork/sockitomesockitome@fee.fle/fo/fum.-0
Q. What if I type one single character wrong?
A. You will launch U.S. nuclear missiles against Norway.
Q. Ah.
A. But assuming you type in the correct address, you merely press Enter, and there you are!
Q. Where?
A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to happen. It could take weeks. Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. It might be quicker for you to just go over to Australia and look at the boats in person.
Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless?
A. Heck no! If you're willing to be patient, you'll find that you can utilize the vast resources of the Web to waste time in ways that you never before dreamed possible.
Q. For example?
A. For example, recently I was messing around with a "Web browser," which is a kind of software that lets you search all of cyberspace- millions of documents for references to a specific word or group of words. You can find pretty much everything that anybody has ever written on the Internet about that topic; it's an incredibly powerful research tool.
Q. That is truly beautiful.
A. Yes. And it's just one teensy little piece, one infinitesimally tiny fraction, of the gigantic, pulsating, mutating, multiplying mass of stuff out there on the Internet. Sooner or later, everything is going to be on there somewhere. You should be on there, too. Don't be afraid! Be like the bold explorer Christopher Columbus, (E-mail address: ChrisCol@nina,pinta&santamaria.ahoy) setting out into uncharted waters, fearful of what you might encounter, but also mindful of the old inspirational maritime saying: "If you don't leave the land, then you'll probably never have a chance to get scurvy and develop anemia, spongy gums, and bleeding from the mucous membranes." So come on! join me and millions of others on this exciting CyberFrontier, with its limitless possibilities for the enhancement of knowledge and the betterment of the human race! Wazootyman is waiting for you.
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